Good Morning

Cant sleep for anything been tossing and turning for the past hour and a half so much on my mind.With lies you may go ahead in the world - but you can never go back -- Russian proverb Recently I had a person who i considered one of my closest friends make use of this proverb. We haven't been friends for a long time but for the time being Iv been nothing but in my opinion a good person I mean my actions have been nothing but true. Always there for a person, giving whenever anything was needed, helping in situations when i had FAR MORE to deal with a FULL PLATE of things that required more attention then there problem but i would drop it all to help. I t was always fun we kicked it like we had known each other for years always someone i could turn to to talk, rant to just someone who would listen and gave back unbiased advice. What everyone thought was an already relationship slowly started to form. Things went downhill, I guess when you become "involved" with a person in a sense they become someone so ugly. Things you would never expect start to happen you see a side that you had NEVER seen before behavior you thought was unknown to them. Things were still the same just the hugs were longer and kissing took place. Still a friend still someone I talked to every night and day. Yet something happened yesterday just didn't feel right I guess in a way you always know thees just a gut feeling that somethings going to happen. It did this person had been claiming me as someone who wanted them so bad as if i was desperate NEEDED them WANTED them and they hadn't felt the same way at all. All the vivid actions that had taken places memory's and dates recalled of things that had happened in there mind had NEVER happened. All to save there ass in hopes of staying with there "GIRLFRIEND" one that I quite frankly hadn't know played any position at all. I asked questions and got nothing but out right BOLD faced lies. This person had been doing nothing but "playing" both of us and when it all went down and me and o girl got the chance to speak I suddenly became less of the bad one wither or not she believed it all she heard everything and started to figure out situations he begged, pleaded, PROBABLY bad mouthed me to the highest. Since he claimed I was a liar and I had always always try ed to break them apart and had a DESPERATE thing for him. It was sickening my stomach hurt how could a person so trusted throw you out there and not give a dam it doesn't make you feel any less about your self that your a pathological liar now well have been for quite some time.Me and her talked me and him=nothing. Suddenly there were no texts back no calls he had chosen his side I sent the infamous text letting all the frustration out actually it was more like [4-5] but who's counting and then there was nothing left to be said. I honestly want to know why and how a person could do something like this feelings and all aside there was a friendship there or so I thought but does that word mean anything to anyone anymore. The whole trend or hype or whatever of fux folks I'm bout $ or fux everyone its just me is starting to really take hold of everyone. Sad and sick I feel like I'm the only one left who gives a dam and I don't want to change my ways maybe I shouldn't give a fux about everyone else but that would be being untrue to myself. I don't want to have to not care about people in order to be satisfied with life and relationships. Ma bye others need to change or raisin standards for my quality of people will go about now. In a since yesterday finalized that feeling of graduation I felt it all come in to place your done move on to bigger and better things. This person lies this way now they wont be anyone necessary to you in the future because they cant be honest with themselves they have a HELL of a lot of growing to do. I now question everything that they have said, and now put it to rest it doesn't matter anymore It was what it was. Unfortunate that I'm left feeling that I lost a friend. Yet friends don't lie and bad mouth another to get to what they want The lies kept them moving forward but we cant ever go back whats done is done and I don't think Ill ever look back.
Most likely none of this will make sense to anyone else I wrote it at 5 in the morning and Iv chosen to not re read it. I just wanted to get it off my chest and be done with it. Dnt like it get over it.